I operate on a short fuse. For some reason I am convinced I used to be different - patient, free-spirited.
I am not sure if it’s work and family making me grouchy or if everyone naturally turns cranky with each passing year.
Hopefully it’s not a normal thing. And even more hopefully I want to get back to being that free-spirited girl.
I want to be the girl my husband fell in love with, and the same one who could befriend anyone-no matter who they were. I want to go back to being artistic and courageous, not worrying what other people think or what they will say about me later.
But for some reason I think that girl is gone, she is replaced with a more responsible adult. This sounds kind of lame, like I have deteriorated into an old person without consent. Though I look forward to the day when I have silver hair and retire, I have to start acting young again right now-before my youthfulness is gone.
Each day I wake up scornful of the long list of things to do. When in reality I need to embrace each day and experience it to the fullest. This message is easy to write, but not so easy to live by.
I guess the reason why I want to change my attitude is because I see it rubbing off on my husband and son. It’s like that episode on Cougar Town where one nice thing done to somebody brings positive things all the way around the circle. But the same bad energy passes around as well.
There is a certain amount of responsibility involved, meaning I have to put on a smile and think of something nice to say. But once I do that- it’s out there and continues to spread. Maybe it will bring good things back to me, or just make somebody feel special for a moment-but I think it would be worth it.
Maybe we should all try to smile more and say nice things. Then maybe, we could get back to feeling how we used to be, like life is working in our favor and there is no reason to fight against it.